How I Am Getting Engaged Three Times

When people ask me where my ring is and if I am engaged yet I simply tell them, "I come from a culture where we do things differently ."

In order to follow tradition and my family's religious practices (Confucianism and Buddhism) Jonathan's parents must speak to my parents and ask for my hand in marriage. Confucianist teachings state that the father is greater than the son and the mother is greater than the daughter etc. Jonathan can not ask my parents directly for a marriage proposal because he would be crossing and violating the family hierarchy/echelon. He must speak "through" his parents as his parents are considered at the same "level" as my parents.

In the old country the meeting of families is to discuss the dates of the engagement ceremony (more on that later) and the actual wedding. It is also the time to discuss the dowry - but wait, it is the GROOM's DOWRY not the bride’s that is discussed. If one wishes to take away the daughter of a family one must show/prove that one is capable of taking care of her. When Jonathan explained this little detail to his friends they made him a T-shirt that said "Buying A Wife" =)
Now since Jonathan is American he has expressed to me his desire to propose the "traditional way" since it is one of few traditions that he wishes to preserve without compromising any of my family's customs. He can only do this AFTER the parents have “the wedding proposal talk.” Luckily, this talk took place last May and so now he needs to pop the question before the day we actually get married. I guess when he does that will be considered my "2nd engagement."

There is a catch - I will not be wearing my engagement ring until the actual engagement ceremony takes place - which is when I officially receive my engagement ring. Some Asian Americans ignore this tradition and that is a personal choice but for me my mother advised me to put the ring away until the ceremony.Another custom that we practice is having an engagement ceremony prior to the wedding day. Engagement ceremonies are more for the family and close friends. They are set a few months before the wedding date but there is no limit to time except that long engagements bring bad luck for the couple (no more than one year b/t the dates). Since our families live in different states travel is difficult and Jonathan and I decided to have our engagement ceremony one week apart.At this ceremony the engagement ring is given as well as an assortment of gifts such as tea, cakes, fruit, sweet rice, wine, etc. He and I will bow to my ancestors at the altar and ask our families to accept us as their own children and to accept each other as in laws. This ceremony technically marks my "3rd engagement."