Stealing Thunder

My FI once told me, "I don't know what it is but girls grow up and dream about their wedding day being the most magical day of their life." Many years ago FI used to live in a large house with two other couples. Couple A got engaged late winter and began making plans for their wedding. Shortly after that in early Spring Couple B gets engaged. Mr. B (not to be confused with Mr. BEE) was having a nice dinner with Miss B and he "felt romantic" so he popped the question right there without a ring. Obviously Miss B was delighted and began scouring wedding magazines and racking up the cell phone bill. One day over the phone FI tells me that he feels Miss A is not too happy about Miss B's engagement because it is "stealing her thunder" in the same way that Rachel stole Monica's engagement thunder on the hit show Friends. I thougth two things 1. what the hell, this thunder business makes no sense and it would not happen to me 2. my bf is really sensitive about women's feelings!

Fast forward to our present day I am eating my words about not having someone steal my thunder. *wipes away tear* This past year I lost a friendship over this very idea of stealing thunder. Miss V and I were close friends and she knew that Mr. Grapefruit and I were getting ready to wed with the parental proposal (see engagement blog entry) due in May 2007. Over the 2006 winter holiday she and an old flame hooked up and started to see each other more. Our conversations started to naturally revolve around this re-newed love interest. It very quickly started to center on how much he was making, the incredible house he was building, the salary bonuses he was going to get, the huge diamond she wanted as an engagement ring and on and on. I started to feel really sorry for myself and insecure about where my finances would come from for my wedding knowing that Mr. Grapefruit and I are students with loans and virtually no finances/savings. I decided that I would avoid her for a week to let her finish talking about this to everyone she knew, and eventually she would lose steam/interest as I was not raised to speak about money this way and I thought it was rather tacky and low class. I eventually had a heart to heart talk to her about it and said it makes me feel bad about my own situation when she goes off about how "set" everything could be for her life if all she said was "yes" to this man. She gave me comfort and said she would not be getting married soon and it really "wasn't so set and perfect." I thought she understood but things did not change.

One day in early Spring as I was studying with another friend, he announced to me that she was getting engaged soon. This is after three months of "reuniting" with her old flame. I cried and called my mother. She gave me some Zen advice and told me to get over it and not feel sorry for myself. I told her I felt like Miss V did not care about my feelings and did not even take what I said very seriously. After Easter weekend Miss V came back to school with a ginormous engagement ring on her hand. She said nothing to me and we have not talked ever since.

I have pored my heart, my tears, and my thoughts into what happened. I have criticized my self and self reflected on where I went wrong and if I could get over it. I don't claim wedding days or years but it eventually boiled down to respect. If she cared and respected my feelings she would have said something to me and then went ahead and gone on with her plans and that I would have accepted. We would still be friends because I am understanding and compromising. But I feel that she did neither of these things after fully hearing what I had to say that day. I don't know if she did get married, or where things are now in her life. I've left some things out of this story about her because I wanted to tell a discrete story and not bad mouth her. Since we have not spoken for about a year now I think it may be past me as I have my own wedding to plan but a part of me wonders if I could/should have done/felt things differently.